Beyond the Sand
by wildcat7898
Summary: Ambassador Spock reflects on his life and tries to decide what to do with the time left to him on New Vulcan.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: I had thought that "Closure" would be the last story in my TOS Spock/Uhura universe (thus the name, as much for me as for Spock), but I felt like I had to address the events of "Star Trek Beyond." This story can stand alone, but there are references to events in my other stories, especially "A Roll of the Dice," "The Waking Man," and "Closure."

 _Across the sea beyond the sand,_

 _At_ _sunrise I shall sail away,_

 _To dwell in that enchanted land_

 _Where Love does stay._

 _And up each lonely mountain peak,_

 _Where'er the narrow path may lead,_

 _Beneath its burning skies I'll seek_

 _The One I need._

 _Across its plains by moon and star,_

 _And darkest night my road shall be,_

 _Until I clasp the hands which are_

 _Held forth to me._

 _And if the storms be fierce and strong_

 _To tire me ere the search be done_

 _My peace will be more sweet and long_

 _If peace be won._

-Across the Sea Beyond the Sand by Dollie Radford

Beyond the Sand, Chapter one

Standing on the terrace of his apartment on New Vulcan, Spock watched the activities taking place on the ground far below. He could not deny it felt wrong that he was not down there himself, touring the expansion of the hospital, directing the groundbreaking for the new school, deciding where the next group of single-family homes would be placed. Until recently, he had even begun to entertain the thought that he, himself, would build a modest home, but of course that would not happen now. In the limited time he had remaining, he must devote his dwindling strength and attention to transitioning his duties to Sarek.

It was fitting that he had been the one to observe the descent of his father's intellect into the confusion of Bendii's Syndrome so many years ago, and now, his father was the one who would witness the same in him. There was no cure for this disease in either the future he knew or the current time. From his experience with Sarek, he was aware that the symptoms could be alleviated with a mindmeld, but he had looked up the current treatment regimen for Bendii's, and there was no mention of a mindmeld so he would not pursue that option. At any rate, the disease was apparently going to be different for him, so it was possible that the mindmeld would not have worked, anyway. The doctor did not think that the emotional center of his brain would be impacted, given the structural differences between his brain and the brain of someone who was fully Vulcan, and it appeared that the doctor was to be proven correct. In the five weeks since his illness had been diagnosed, he had already noticed a lessening of his ability to process complex equations. He would almost rather lose his emotional control than his mathematical reasoning, but kaiidth. What was, was.

There were so many more things he had wanted to do here. He had learned that T'Val's parents were unable to leave Vulcan before it imploded, so he had accepted the painful truth that she and the children he and she had created would not exist in this universe. However, although he could find no record of the Vulcan science expedition that had encountered hostile Romulans and produced Saavik, the more he considered it, the more he thought it could be because the records had been lost in the destruction of Vulcan. Neither he nor she had ever determined her exact age, but the Vulcan scientists could have left Vulcan before it was destroyed. It was possible that Saavik was out there, waiting for him to find her. He had saved her, and in so many ways, she had saved him. She had taught him patience and unconditional acceptance. She had been the catalyst that brought him and Nyota together, and she was the only child he and Nyota were to be given. Her son, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and beyond had drawn a direct line from the two of them to the future. He could not bear the thought that Saavik might die alone on Hellguard, never having known that life could be anything other than an unceasing fight for survival.

He had sworn that he would say and do nothing to influence the future, but he would make an exception for Saavik. Before his mind deteriorated to the point that he could no longer communicate, he would write a letter to his younger self and put it in a box that he would direct be delivered after his death. It was possible that in this universe, Saavik would not come to mean the same to him as she had in his own universe, but at least she would have a chance to survive.

And Nyota…

He had been pleased to discover that in this universe, he and she had already learned what they could mean to each other. No one had spoken openly of it to him, but it was easily discerned through observation, especially if one knew where to look. He, himself, had not stayed at the Academy after graduation so he had not met her until she was assigned to the Enterprise, and even then, it had taken them many more years to come together. What had happened in this universe to change that? He had hoped to know. She had believed in an afterlife and he had not—other than the katra, of course—and he had once teasingly told her that if she was right, she could say "I told you so" upon their heavenly reunion. And he could imagine their conversation if he identified where he had turned left instead of right, and caused them to lose years they could have been together.

But… In this universe, Nyota was not dead. He had been amused at his depiction of their imaginary conversation, but it could not happen even in his wildest dreams. He still did not believe in her version of an afterlife, but she would have been greatly saddened to know that he was destined to die in a universe without the version of her that he had cherished for so many years. Perhaps the Bendii's was impacting his emotional control, after all, because he suddenly had to blink away the sting of tears.

He remembered an incident that had happened shortly after Vulcan's destruction, when he was on Earth overseeing the provisioning of the ships that were to take the remaining Vulcans to their new home. He had fastidiously avoided this strange new version of her, but one day in the hanger deck he had turned and found her standing before him.

"Ah, greetings," he had said, forcing his expression to remain neutral even though his heart was racing.

"Hello," she said. She glanced down at her feet, and he thought that he observed nervousness, but then she met his eyes again with such resolve that he decided he must have imagined it. "Spock told me that it would be better if I didn't try to talk to you, but I couldn't resist. I just had to know what he will be like someday, long after I'm gone."

"As you can see," Spock said drily, "his face will become considerably more wrinkled, his voice will weaken, his posture will become somewhat stooped, and his hair will turn completely gray."

She smiled and shook her head. "Sorry, this is so weird. You're entirely different, and yet you aren't."

"And I must confess, this is no less 'weird' for me. In my timeline, we did not meet until you were older."

"Really? That's surprising. Why not?"

"I took a starship assignment immediately after I graduated from the Academy, so we were not here at the same time. Can you tell me why I stayed to teach in this reality?"

"You reprogrammed the Kobayashi Maru test as part of your senior thesis, and you did such a good job that they asked you to stay as an instructor."

"Fascinating. In my reality, I did not teach at the Academy until many years later. I would be interested to discover what prompted my early interest in the Kobayashi Maru test."

"I don't know. You were already in charge of it when I met you." She caught her lower lip between her teeth. "It's not a secret, exactly, but we've always tried to be discreet and there aren't many people who know, but, uh, you and I, I mean the other you, and I, well…"

"You are romantically involved."

"How did you know? We've told almost no one."

"It was obvious to me."

"Well. Okay. I know that you can't divulge anything specific about the future, but can you tell me… were you and I, um, together in your reality? You know, _together_ together? Even though we didn't meet at the Academy?"

He raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Yes. We were quite certainly _together_ together. We were very content with one another for many years."

She smiled shakily, inhaled, and blew out a heavy breath that seemed to him like a sigh of relief. "Oh, good. I hope it works out that way in this universe, too."

He nodded. "As do I."

"And now… are you happy?"

Spock looked briefly at the ground and clasped his hands behind his back. "Happiness is an emotional state."

"Indeed it is," she said, in perfect imitation of him.

"I have lived a long life. I have accomplished much. I have had rewarding relationships with others. Does that sound like happiness to you?"

"Yes, but…"

"But?"

"You aren't where... when you belong."

He nodded. "There is that."

They looked at each other for a long time, but finally she said, "I guess that I need to let you get back to work. I'd say that it was nice to meet you, but that doesn't really fit the situation. Anyway, thanks for talking to me. Good luck with New Vulcan."

"Thank you. I enjoyed our conversation."

At that, she had given him one last searching look and raised her hand as if she were going to touch him, but then she had dropped her arm, turned, and walked away. He had watched until she exited the bay, and he had continued to stare at the door long after she was gone. He had often heard humans say that something tugged at one's heartstrings, but he had never understood until this moment that something could, literally, feel as if it were tearing one's chest apart. When she had reached for him, he had felt a similar impulse to reach for her, but of course that would have been improper. This version of Nyota was so different from his, not as soft in either body or personality, more urgent and intense than the woman he remembered, but it was still her. He had been overwhelmingly grateful to have seen her beautiful face one more time, to have talked to her again, to have been close enough to touch her if he had only dared.

His thoughts turned again to T'Val, so different from Nyota but no less beloved. He had shocked T'Val the first time he professed his feelings for her. He had never been able to tell Nyota easily that he loved her, but she had always known that he did. It had taken her death, his long period of solitude, and his reawakening when he met T'Val to convince him that there was no shame in speaking openly of his feelings. Of course, it was not in his nature to overshare such things, but it was also no longer in his nature to avoid them.

He had two exceptional children with T'Val, a son who took readily to the Vulcan disciplines, and a much younger daughter who did not. He had learned only days before he left Earth to help the Romulans that his son had developed a serious relationship with a human woman, and he wondered what had become of that. He pictured his little daughter the last time he saw her, so animated and outspoken, very much like Saavik as a child. She would most certainly try T'Val's patience as she matured, just as Saavik had tried his. If only he could return to them, even if only for a day or a week or a month…

His gaze traveled beyond New Vulcan to the sandy void beyond, and then he took a heavy breath and returned to the interior of his apartment.

End chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

Beyond the Sand, chapter two

Three days later, Spock was sitting on a bench in the public sand gardens when he saw movement from the corner of his eye, and he looked over to see Sarek approaching.

"I am pleased to find you out of your apartment," said Sarek as he sat down next to Spock. "I am aware that you believe you have much to do and little time to do it, but another way to view it is that pushing yourself too hard will reduce the time you have available. It is illogical to expend more energy than is necessary."

"That is true, but I fear that my symptoms are growing stronger every day. It would also be illogical to assume that I have sufficient time, given the inevitable arc of this disease."

"Another factor to consider is that you have already transitioned most of your responsibilities to me. Of course, we will always welcome your input, but you should be able to slow your pace. You have earned the right to relax occasionally."

Spock shook his head. "There will always be more tasks than even both of us can handle, and I owe it to this community to maximize every minute that is left to me. Also, I must confess that if I were to deliberately slow down, I would feel as if I were accepting that the end is near, and I am not yet ready to do that."

Sarek nodded. "In that case, I will defer to your good judgment."

Sarek laced his hands together in his lap, and they fell into a comfortable silence. Spock reflected on the fact that his relationship with this man was easier than his relationship ever was with his own father. Even during the period of his life when his father was most accepting of him—after his friends had risked so much to bring his katra back to Vulcan and before Perrin had come between them—he had experienced an underlying instability, a feeling that one wrong step on his part could bring it all to an end. Did this universe's version of Spock feel the same way about the man sitting next to him as he, himself, felt about his own father? It was possible that Sarek and Spock of this universe experienced the same tensions, but he thought it unlikely. He had noticed that this version of Spock had a confidence around others, a self-acceptance that he had not possessed at this age. As the humans would say, this version of Spock was easy in his own skin.

"Sarek," he said, "I have been considering some of the differences between this universe and my own, and I have a personal question."

"You may ask it."

"Is your relationship with your son a good one?"

Sarek was unable to keep the surprise from his face. "Yes, it is very good. Am I to surmise from your question that your relationship with your father was not?"

Spock shrugged lightly. "Sometimes it was, and sometimes it was not. Such is the way of fathers and sons."

Studying him shrewdly, Sarek said, "I have the impression that there was more to it than that."

"Yes. Perhaps." Spock gazed at a nearby sand sculpture while he gathered his thoughts. "When I was young, my father told me that it was my choice whether I took the Vulcan path or the human path, but it was never truly my choice. He was very disapproving of almost everything I did, especially when I displayed even the smallest human trait. Then, when I chose to join Starfleet instead of attending the Vulcan Science Academy, he disowned me. We did not speak for many years."

Sarek did not reply immediately, and when Spock turned toward him he was surprised to see something akin to pain on the younger man's face.

"You are correct," said Sarek. "Our relationship is good now, but that was not always true. I did not know how to deal with you. You were highly intelligent, even by Vulcan standards, and precocious in your interests. But you were also rebellious and unforgiving. The slightest mistake on my part caused you to close yourself off. You would run away to the mountains. I would demand that you tell me where you had gone, but you would not. I would punish you, but you would endure your punishment and then run away again. I could not help but admire the part of you that refused to yield, but I was unable to tell you that. Amanda tried to help me understand how to interact with you, but I failed miserably for too many years."

At first, Spock could only blink at this admission. Aware that he was stammering, he said, "You? Failed? I thought that it was my failure to be a proper Vulcan son that caused the rift between us."

"No, it was my failure, not yours. I will not deny that I often held you up to higher standards than you seemed satisfied to accept for yourself, but it was only because I knew that you were capable of so much more."

"Higher standards, or Vulcan standards?"

Sarek sighed softly. "Perhaps both. I was often a less than adequate parent. I cannot deny the relief I felt when you and I finally joined minds, and you understood that the friction between us was primarily my fault. After all, you were only a child. I was the adult who should have handled things differently."

"We joined minds? That never happened in my reality."

"I find that disheartening. In my reality, I let too much time pass before I initiated mental contact, but eventually, I did. Our first mental touch was when you almost died in that accident during your second year at the Academy. Since then, we have joined minds many times."

"I had no accident at the Academy."

"Fascinating."

"Indeed."

They sat quietly again until Sarek said, "I offer to share my thoughts with you. I do not say this lightly, for I know that I can never erase my failings in your timeline, but I am still the person who was your father and I want you to better know me. Perhaps this will provide some comfort that your own father was never able to provide."

Spock swallowed heavily. "I cannot reciprocate and share my thoughts with you."

"I understand. You know things about the future that I cannot know. But I offer my thoughts to you, regardless."

"I accept. I am honored, and I cannot deny that I am moved that you would offer such a thing."

"Would you care to accompany me to the privacy of my apartment?"

Spock nodded, so they both left the gardens.

…

Images, impressions, feelings swirled around them, memories flowing through their minds in rapid succession…

Sarek, arriving late for his son's birth, experiencing elation upon his first sight of his son, followed by an overpowering, humbling surge of fear from knowing that this small life now depended on him…

Pride yet bafflement when he watched Amanda interact with the two-year-boy who laughed, chattered, and cried without inhibition… Seeing this same boy morph into someone who was quiet and stoic by his third birthday…

Clashes with his son, endless debates interspersed with chilling silences, unable to reach the boy no matter the soundness of his logic, aware of Amanda judging him, always judging him…

Being summoned to the school because his son had been in a fistfight, arguing with Amanda over how to handle it, fearing that he might lose both if he did not say and do the right things…

Pride when his son was offered a place at the Vulcan Science Academy, shock and anger when it was refused… Going to work early without saying goodbye on the day his son left for Earth and coming home to a wife who did not speak to him for a week…

Receiving a call in the middle of the night about an accident at Starfleet Academy, learning that a cadet had died and Spock was fighting for his life… Rushing to Earth, long, lonely hours of not knowing what he would find when he got there… Sitting by his son's bedside, watching him struggle for every breath, fearing that his angry words about the Vulcan Science Academy would be the last words his son ever heard from him, finally putting his hand on his unconscious son's face to impart his regret, his respect, his undeniable love…

The details of the accident unfurled before him as if he were experiencing it himself.

 _Spock entered the chemistry lab with his roommate and lab partner, Mike Rossi, at his side._ _The instructor was sitting at a desk at the front of the class, and a cadet Spock recognized as Alex Zabolotny was working by himself at one of the lab stations._ _Otherwise, the lab was empty._

 _Spock and Rossi approached the instructor._ _"_ _Commander Samra," said Spock._ _"_ _Would you have a moment to discuss our project?_ _We have some questions about the parameters of the experiment."_

 _"_ _Yes, certainly," said Samra._ _"_ _You can have a seat in my office, and I'll join you in a few minutes."_

 _They walked over to the office, which adjoined the chemistry lab, and found seats in front of the instructor's desk._

 _"_ _Hey Spock," said Rossi._ _"_ _Do you have plans for the weekend?_ _Elaine Martinez said that a group of cadets are organizing a scavenger hunt and she asked if we wanted to join them."_

 _"_ _A scavenger hunt?_ _Do we search for buzzards, coyotes, and other creatures that feed on carrion?"_

 _Rossi laughed._ _"_ _No, you're given a list of unusual objects and you have to find them._ _You work in teams."_

 _"_ _Ah, I see._ _We become the scavengers because we are searching for items in our environment."_

 _"_ _Exactly._ _I…"_

 _Suddenly, alarms blared._ _Spock and Rossi rushed to the office door to see what was happening, but the door slammed shut in the instant before they got there._ _Spock had seen enough, however._ _A cloud surrounded the area where Zabolotny had been working, and Zabolotny was dashing for the lab's main door._ _Respirator masks dangled from the ceiling._ _The instructor was sprawled on the floor near the front of the class._ _A faint scent that Spock recognized as hydrogen fluoride wafted through the air, and his eyes and throat began burning._ _He knew that the small concentration of gas in the office would only cause discomfort, but the concentration in the lab would be deadly._

 _Coughing, Rossi frantically looked up at the ceiling._ _"_ _Why hasn't the air evac system kicked on?"_

 _"_ _I saw Zabolotny rushing for the door._ _I believe that somehow he must have prevented the safety panel from coming down._ _If that is the case, the air evacuation system will not come on._ _Why would he behave so illogically?_ _If he has a mask, he has no need to leave the room in such a hurry."_

 _"_ _He was scared._ _Fear either paralyzes a person, panics them, or makes them think more clearly._ _He must be the panicking type._ _He just acted from the gut without thinking._ _What should we do?"_

 _"_ _It is obvious._ _We must ensure that the safety panel is able to come down before the fumes can spread to the rest of the building."_

 _"_ _Oh, shit."_

 _"_ _Indeed."_

 _Rossi pounded on the button that would normally open the door, but nothing happened._

 _"_ _The automatic locks are on," said Spock while he rummaged through the instructor's desk._ _"_ _I cannot find any masks in the office._ _We will need to override this lock, procure masks, and determine why the safety panel did not come down."_

 _"_ _Okay._ _If you can get this door open, I'll head for the safety panel."_

 _Spock nodded and moved next to Rossi._ _As he removed a portion of the wall by the door and found the circuit that was preventing the door from opening, he looked over at his friend's face._ _Rossi was clearly frightened, just as Zabolotny had been._

 _"_ _Are you going to be able to do this?" asked Spock._ _"_ _You are frightened."_

 _"_ _Hell, yes, I'm frightened!_ _I'm scared shitless._ _But I know what we need to do so let's do it."_

 _"_ _Very well._ _On the count of three."_ _His hand in the wall, Spock looked at Rossi._ _"_ _One._ _Two._ _Three."_

 _At that, he disconnected the circuit and they rushed into the outer room._ _Immediately, Spock felt his airways constrict, and his eyes were watering so much that he could barely find a mask to disconnect from the ceiling._ _Rossi was bent double, coughing, so Spock pulled down two more masks and placed one firmly into Rossi's hand, and the other over the instructor's face._ _The masks would help, but Spock knew that the toxic gas would not be completely blocked so they must act quickly._

 _They stumbled to the outer door, and they found that Zabolotny was on the floor beneath the safety panel, and this had prevented it from closing._ _They both continued to gag and cough._ _Rossi grabbed Zabolotny's feet and pulled._

 _"_ _He won't budge," gasped Rossi, throwing his weight in the opposite direction._

 _"_ _I will attempt to lift the safety panel," replied Spock._

 _He bent and took a deep breath, even though it burned his throat, and the pressure on his chest was so painful that it almost brought him to his knees._ _He wedged his fingers under the bottom of the panel and pulled upwards._

 _"_ _It's not budging!" Rossi slipped and had to scramble back to his feet._ _"_ _Try again!"_

 _Spock released it, took another deep breath, and grasped again._ _As he pulled upwards, the muscles in his thighs and his back complained, but he felt it give slightly this time._

 _"_ _Again!" cried Rossi._

 _Spock gave it every ounce of his strength, and finally the door lifted just enough for Rossi to pull Zabolotny out._ _The last thing Spock heard before darkness overtook him was the gentle hiss of the air evacuation system kicking on._

Spock gently ended the meld, and Sarek shook himself slightly as if just waking from a long nap.

"So that was our first mindmeld," said Spock.

"Yes," replied Sarek. "We sat by your side in the hospital for four days before you woke up. Your entire respiratory system was badly burned, from the lining of your nose to your lungs. The doctors were growing replacement organs in case your body could not heal itself, but they were not certain if transplants would be sufficient to repair all of the damage. Fortunately, you recovered without them."

"I remember Mike Rossi well. We became friends during our first two years at the Academy, although we drifted apart once we chose different specialties. I do not remember an instructor at the Academy named Samra, however. Doctor Jenkins was our instructor for that class, and when Mike Rossi and I went to the chemistry lab that day, Jenkins was working closely with Alex Zabolotny. The incident with the hydrogen fluoride was very minor."

"Could this be where your path diverged from the path my son took?"

Spock raised both eyebrows and nodded slowly. "It seems very possible. Everything you showed me until that moment was identical to what I remembered. I will be interested to see if I can determine why Commander Samra rather than Doctor Jenkins taught that class. What happened after your son recovered from his injuries?"

"We had to tell him that Mike Rossi had died before the first responders made it to the lab. He was devastated. He struggled with guilt, for he felt that because a Vulcan's respiratory system is more robust than a human's, he should have left Rossi in the office and taken care of Zabolotny's error by himself. This knowledge also caused him to be angry at himself, and he was angry at Zabolotny for committing the error. I believe that he was even a little angry at Rossi for his sacrifice although he experienced great sorrow over the loss of his friend. In addition, he did not understand how Rossi had performed so admirably despite the knowledge that he might not survive, while Zabolotny's fright caused him to make the worst decision he could possibly have made. It was very difficult for him."

"Did he finally come to a resolution?"

"Yes. The two of us had many hours of discussions, and in the end, he accepted the fact that he could experience multiple feelings at the same time even though they conflicted. It also led him to study the role of emotions in decision-making, and why one human could perform so well in the face of possible death while another could not."

"That sounds very much like the basis of the Kobayashi Maru test."

Sarek nodded. "You turned a traumatic experience into something that has benefited many people. I was very proud of you."

Spock nodded back with satisfaction, but he could not keep the exhaustion from his face.

"Allow me to walk you back to your apartment," said Sarek. "We will talk more about this tomorrow."

End chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3

Beyond the Sand, chapter three

The next morning, Spock knelt in his meditation alcove, closed his eyes, and began the mental exercises he had performed throughout his life to prepare for meditation. He made it through the first eight, and was just beginning the ninth when he realized that he could not remember it. He opened his eyes and frowned. He had done this without a problem… how many times? He tried to calculate the number of years, the number of days per year, the number of times he had been ill or injured or unable to meditate for whatever reason… and he could not do it. This was a very basic computation, and he could not do it.

He took a deep breath and stood. It would serve no purpose to become frustrated. He found that his mental abilities waxed and waned now, so he would try again later and perhaps he would be able to remember. It might even be a result of yesterday's activities, for the mindmeld with Sarek had greatly tired him.

He went to the kitchen and took a container of English Breakfast tea down from a shelf, and put some water on to heat.

English Breakfast tea had always been Nyota's favorite. He had seldom drunk it himself while they were married, instead preferring a Vulcan variety of tea, but he had seen it on the list of items that could be requisitioned prior to his trip to New Vulcan, and on impulse he had ordered it. He was glad he did. It was good. And it reminded him of Nyota.

The mindmeld with Sarek yesterday had been enlightening. Even though there was no doubt what caused this timeline to split from his own, he had wondered where his own personal path had diverged. Now he knew. Many years ago, he had stumbled through a porthole in time and been bounced between universes until he determined the cause and righted it. Was this universe one of the universes he had visited then? He remembered a universe where he and Nyota had married young, had two daughters, and raised Saavik with their daughters, and another universe that was similar except that there was no Saavik. It was very possible that he was in one of those two universes now.

The teakettle whistled, so he put the teabag in a mug and poured hot water over it. He took the mug to his dining table and sat down.

His experience before, when he had been whisked from one universe to another with very little warning and no control, had been dizzying. It had taken him a long time to determine a unifying thread between the universes because he had no sooner begun his research in one universe than he was taken to the next. Eventually, though, he had realized that a race of beings was communicating between the universes, and each time they sent an outgoing message, he was taken with it because his quantum signature did not match the quantum signature of the current universe. Then, when his quantum signature did not match the quantum signature of the next universe, he was taken again. And so on and so on, until he finally reached the universe where his quantum signature matched. Where he belonged.

His tea had just cooled enough to drink when a signal sounded from the door. He rose, and when he opened the door he found Sarek standing there.

"Greetings, Sarek," he said as he ushered the other man inside. "I trust you are well."

"Yes, thank you. And you?"

"I am well." He decided that it would serve no purpose to tell Sarek about his confusion earlier. "I had just prepared myself a cup of English Breakfast tea. Would you care for one?"

"I would find that pleasing."

Spock poured the still-hot water over another teabag and carried the mug to Sarek, who had seated himself at the table. Spock sat down across from him and took a sip of his own tea.

"I have given a great deal of thought to the events of yesterday," said Sarek. "I hope that I was able to provide a level of peace for you."

"You were. I understand my father better now. I was also gratified to uncover via our mindmeld the event that caused your son's life to go in a different direction than my own. I have noticed in my interactions with him that he possesses a self-acceptance that it took me many more years to achieve. Also, he was obviously receptive to more, shall we say, intimate personal interactions than I was at his age."

"You refer to Nyota."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I was not certain if you were aware of their relationship. I had a brief conversation with her in which she told me that she did not expect many people to know about it."

"Spock has always been private, and it was no less true with this than with many other important things in his life. However, while I was on board the Enterprise after the destruction of Vulcan, I witnessed a simple exchange between them that revealed their secret to me." Sarek warmed his hands on his mug. "I had thought that Spock's contentment at the Academy was primarily due to his prominent position on the faculty, but I see in retrospect that it had much to do with her, as well."

"I have no doubt that you are correct."

Spock thought that he had said this without inflection, but he could tell by Sarek's expression that the tone of his voice had caused him to divulge more than he intended.

"May I ask if Nyota was important to you?" asked Sarek.

"You may, and she was. I did not know her at the Academy, but I think that even if I had, I would not have been able to welcome her into my life. I am pleased that they found each other so early in their lives here." He studied his tea. "She and I lost many years. I regret that I let even a moment go by when I was not with her."

He thought again about the parallel universes. In some, he and she were together, and in others, they weren't. In one, she was dead. In another, he was. But they almost always meant something to each other.

As if he were reading Spock's thoughts, Sarek said, "Would you like to experience the beginning of their relationship? Spock allowed me to see it through a mindmeld, and I do not think that I would be divulging anything too personal given your unique position."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I do not know if you are referring to my impending mortality or the fact that he and I are the same person, but regardless, I would like that. My thoughts have been returning to Nyota a great deal recently. I would value having some more moments with her, even if only vicariously."

Sarek pulled his chair close, and Spock placed his hand on the other man's face. They fell together into the memory.

 _Spock and Nyota sat together in the darkened communications lab, at a console, as they had done almost every evening for the last four weeks._ _On the surface, this was not remarkable, for he often assisted his students._ _However, recently he found that he had been fabricating excuses to be her even when it was not necessary, and he suspected that she had been doing the same._

 _"_ _Here."_ _She pointed at the screen._ _"_ _An anomaly._ _Can you see it?"_

 _He frowned and moved closer to the screen._ _"_ _No, but that is not surprising._ _You are very gifted, and you often see things that I do not."_

 _She leaned over his shoulder so that they had the same line of sight._ _"_ _This._ _Right here."_

 _"_ _Ah, yes._ _Now I see it."_

 _He tried to straighten, but she was still leaning in his direction and he found his face only inches from hers._ _Her eyes widened, and neither of them breathed while the moment stretched between them._ _Finally, he cleared his throat and pushed his chair away._

 _Without meeting her eyes, he stood._ _"_ _I believe that we need to decrease the amount of time we are spending together," he said matter-of-factly._ _"_ _I find that I am experiencing feelings that are inappropriate between an instructor and a student."_

 _She was quiet for so long that he finally dared a look at her._ _"_ _I thought that it was only me," she whispered._

 _He shook his head._ _"_ _I… I will see you in class tomorrow."_

 _At that, he had left the lab, and she had not made any attempt to be with him other than what was necessary to complete her classwork._ _Soon, it was the end of the semester, and when the last student submitted the final exam, he quickly registered the score and shut down his computer._

 _He stepped into the hall to find her standing there._

 _"_ _Did I pass?" she asked._

 _"_ _Yes._ _You had the highest score in the class."_

 _"_ _Good._ _That means I'm no longer your student."_

 _He raised an eyebrow at the challenge in her voice, then allowed amusement to show on his face._ _"_ _Indeed, you are not._ _I was just on my way to eat lunch._ _Would you like to accompany me?"_

 _"_ _Yes, I would."_

 _They had walked together to a small restaurant and spent the rest of the afternoon sitting at a table, talking about everything and nothing, and when the evening crowd had begun to gather and the waiter asked them for the seventh time if they required anything else, they finally decided that it was time to leave._ _Spock found that he did not want to say goodbye to her._

 _They set out in the direction of her dormitory._

 _"_ _Do you have plans for the break?" he asked casually._

 _"_ _I thought I did, but they got a little messed up._ _My roommate Gaila wanted me to go to London with her to visit her sister, but I'd already planned to go home to Nairobi for the week so I said no._ _Then I found out yesterday that my mother is at a conference and my father went with her, but it was too late for me to go with Gaila._ _My parents will be back on Sunday so I'll leave then, but in the meantime, I'm stuck with nothing to do._ _What about you?"_

 _"_ _I have been to the Grand Canyon, but I have never had the opportunity to study it closely, so I thought that I would spend tomorrow hiking to the bottom and back._ _If you are available, would you care to join me?"_

 _"_ _Yes!_ _I would love that."_

 _They spent the rest of the walk to her dormitory formulating their plans._ _She should dress warmly but in layers so that she could shed garments during the middle of the day and then put them back on in the afternoon._ _They would meet at 6:00 am for breakfast and leave from there._ _If she could bring a bottle of water for herself, he would pack a light lunch for both of them._ _They would stop for the last meal of the day on their way back to San Francisco._ _And so their conversation went until they parted company at the door to her building._

 _The next day, they ate a hearty breakfast and took his flitter to the Grand Canyon._ _He had already planned their route to the bottom, and he had found a different route for their return to the top._ _It would be a long day of hiking, but the weather was perfect, and the morning passed quickly._ _They stopped when they found a clearing that provided reasonably comfortable seating, and Spock parceled out the items he had brought for lunch._ _He did not tell her, but he had done extensive research based on her selection at lunch the day before to find something she would like today._

 _She unwrapped her hummus and alfalfa sprout sandwich._ _"_ _You picked the right time of year for us to do this._ _Things are much greener than I would have expected._ _And the flowers!_ _Look at those pretty purple blossoms over there."_

 _"_ _Those are Penstemon Linariodes, more commonly known as toadflax penstemon."_

 _"_ _I can't believe that you know so much about the plants and animals on Earth._ _I haven't been able to stump you yet._ _Have you learned all of that since you came to Earth?"_

 _"_ _No._ _The flora and fauna of many Federation worlds are part of every Vulcan schoolchild's curriculum."_

 _"_ _That's impressive._ _You'd never be able to teach it to the typical human child._ _They just don't have the attention span for it._ _But I guess that Vulcan children always sit quietly in class and concentrate on their studies._ _They would never misbehave."_

 _"_ _Actually…"_ _He indulged himself with a dramatic pause._ _"_ _That is not an entirely true statement."_

 _"_ _Oh, really?"_ _She laughed._ _"_ _Don't tell me that you misbehaved._ _I refuse to believe it."_

 _"_ _I did, but it was not my fault."_

 _"_ _Yeah, that's what they all say."_

 _"_ _There were three boys at school, older and larger than I, who made it a point to insult me every day."_

 _The smile vanished from her face._ _"_ _That's terrible._ _What did they say?"_

 _"_ _They told me that I was neither Vulcan nor human so did not belong anywhere, that my eyes looked sad and they thought I would cry, and so forth."_

 _"_ _How old were you?"_

 _"_ _Eleven."_

 _"_ _I can't believe that they would torment you like that."_

 _He shrugged._ _"_ _Their taunts were nothing I had not heard many times throughout my life._ _I dealt with it without incident for quite a long time._ _However, one day one of them said something particularly offensive about my mother. I am quite certain that the emotional reaction he received was not the one he sought."_

 _"_ _Oh, no._ _Did you beat his ass?"_

 _"_ _No._ _I knocked him down and struck him repeatedly in the face with my fists."_

 _She nodded firmly._ _"_ _You beat his ass._ _Did you get in trouble?"_

 _"_ _I was taken to the headmaster's office and they called my parents._ _It was not a pleasant denouement, but I cannot say that I totally regretted my actions."_

 _"_ _I'll bet they left you alone after that."_

 _"_ _They most certainly did."_ _He took a drink of his water._ _"_ _So._ _Now you know about my juvenile delinquency._ _I am sure that you never did anything like that."_

 _"_ _Actually, I was involved in something pretty similar when I was seven._ _There was a group of boys on the playground at school who told me that I wasn't allowed on the monkey bars because I was a girl."_

 _"_ _Monkey bars?"_

 _"_ _It's a large climbing frame for children."_

 _"_ _I understand._ _Please continue."_

 _"_ _Of course, I took that as a challenge."_

 _"_ _Of course."_

 _"_ _I climbed up, and when their ringleader tried to stop me, I pushed him off and he broke his arm._ _To make matters worse, my mother took me to his house later that day and forced me to apologize, and I told him that I was sorry he made me do it._ _My parents were not happy with me."_

 _"_ _So I was not the only juvenile delinquent," he teased._

 _"_ _You sure weren't."_ _She laughed and covered her mouth._ _"_ _Oh, my._ _I remember something else I did about that same age._ _There wasn't any physical damage, but it was still bad."_

 _"_ _What was it?"_

 _"_ _My sister had this ratty old stuffed elephant toy that she took with her everywhere._ _I mean, she took it to restaurants._ _She took it to the grocery store._ _She slept with it._ _She couldn't exist without it._ _One day I hid it in a zippered case that held a dog grooming kit._ _It was bedtime, and my parents tore the house apart looking for it._ _My sister cried and wailed and pulled her hair._ _It was awful, but I just sat there and gloated._ _My parents finally decided that it was gone for good, and sent us to bed._ _She sobbed all night long._ _I confessed the next morning."_

 _"_ _Why would you torture her so?"_

 _"_ _It was revenge._ _I had a new coloring book, and I had resolved to color it perfectly._ _It would be a masterpiece._ _I left it for a moment and she scribbled on every page with a crayon."_

 _He raised both eyebrows._ _"_ _I must say that I sympathize with your parents._ _It must have been difficult to deal with such merciless feuds."_

 _She flapped her hand._ _"_ _It wasn't like that all the time._ _We usually played together well with just small squabbles._ _We only occasionally resorted to outright warfare._ _That's a typical sibling relationship._ _Or at least, it is for human children._ _I guess that you wouldn't know about Vulcan children, because you're an only child, aren't you?"_

 _"_ _Actually, I had a brother."_ _He fell silent for a long moment, and she waited patiently with a look of concern on her face._ _"_ _His name was Sybok._ _My father's first marriage was to a Vulcan woman._ _She decided to join the priesthood, so the marriage was annulled and their bond was broken._ _My father, Sarek, did not know that he had a son until she died and he came to live with us."_

 _"_ _How old were the two of you?"_

 _"_ _I was thirteen and he was nineteen._ _I had been a rather lonely child, and his appearance in my life seemed nothing short of miraculous._ _He talked to me as if I were a peer, and he allowed me to participate in his activities._ _Needless to say, I became very attached very quickly."_

 _"_ _What happened to him?"_

 _"_ _He was a follower of the V'tosh ka'tur movement, which encouraged the embrace of emotions._ _As you can imagine, this was considered revolutionary._ _At best, emotional behavior is distasteful; at worst, it is highly offensive._ _Heretical, almost._ _At first, he and Sarek were able to debate his beliefs in a relatively civilized manner, but over time their arguments became louder and more frequent until one day, Sarek disowned him and banished him from Vulcan."_

 _"_ _He had the power to do that?"_

 _"_ _Yes, most definitely._ _Sybok was declared dead to us and no one ever spoke of him again._ _Indeed, this is the first time I have mentioned his name since the day he left."_

 _"_ _What did that do to you?"_

 _"_ _As you can imagine, I did not take it well._ _Not only had I lost my only friend and ally, but I felt as if I was somehow responsible._ _If only I had been less open in my adoration, Sarek would not have made him leave._ _In retrospect, I do not think that I had anything to do with it other than Sarek's concern that Sybok would be a negative influence on me, but I could not see that at the time."_

 _"_ _Have you ever looked for him?"_

 _"_ _No._ _It would only serve to reopen old wounds."_

 _"_ _I'm so sorry._ _My heart aches for the lonely boy who had his brother ripped away from him."_

 _Spock began picking up their empty containers._ _"_ _We must continue on our way if we are to reach the bottom of the canyon and return to the top before nightfall."_

 _She did not move immediately, but when he met her eyes she pressed her lips together sympathetically, nodded, then helped him clean up their meal site._ _They began walking again._

 _"_ _You said something that surprised me a moment ago," she said._ _"_ _I thought that Vulcans never got divorced, but you said that your father's marriage was ended."_

 _"_ _It does not happen often, but it is not unheard of, particularly when there are mitigating circumstances."_ _He paused to help her slide off a ledge._ _"_ _You might be interested to learn that I am divorced."_

 _"_ _What?"_ _She came to a stop._ _"_ _You're divorced?"_

 _"_ _Yes._ _I was bonded to a Vulcan girl named T'Pring at age seven."_

 _"_ _Seven?" she exclaimed, an expression of horror on her face._

 _"_ _It is the Vulcan way._ _At any rate, when I left Vulcan and it became clear that I would not return, it also became clear to her that she did not wish to leave._ _The bond was severed."_

 _"_ _Was it difficult for you?"_

 _"_ _The bond had been a part of me for many years, so I noticed that it was gone, but I did not experience any emotional turmoil over losing her._ _I hardly knew her."_

 _"_ _Oh, so you and she, er, I mean the two of you didn't…"_

 _"_ _The marriage was never consummated."_

 _"Sorry, that question was too personal. I'm embarrassed that I asked_ _."_

 _"Then perhaps it would even things between us if I asked a similarly personal question._ _Do you have any ex-husbands of which I should be aware?"_

 _"_ _No._ _No ex-husbands._ _Not even an ex-fiancé._ _I do have a few ex-boyfriends."_

 _"_ _I can live with that."_

 _She laughed, and they continued on their way._

 _…_

 _When they reached the top of the canyon, the sun was very low in the sky._ _He turned toward the parking area, but she held out a hand to stop him._

 _"_ _Can we sit here for just a few minutes and watch the sunset?" she asked._

 _"_ _Certainly," he replied._

 _They settled themselves side-by-side on the edge of a large rock that was still warm from the sun, and they both leaned back on their hands._ _As they watched, the sky became streaked with vivid shades of orange, then pink, then purple, and he heard her sigh in contentment._

 _He looked over at her, and she moved her hand to cover his._ _He leaned close, closed his eyes, and kissed her gently._ _When he straightened and opened his eyes again, she smiled at him._

Spock ended the mindmeld, and he could not speak for several long minutes. He was shaken by this callback to the first time he had kissed Nyota. It had happened very differently in his universe, but he knew how it had felt, and it could only have felt the same way for the Spock who belonged in this universe.

Sarek waited patiently until he could find words again.

"Thank you," was all he could say.

…

Later that night, Spock stood at his window and gazed outside. It was too dark to see anything of note, but the wind was whipping up the sand outside, and he could hear the faint pinging of sand hitting the window. It reminded him of being at his home near Atlanta one night when a rainstorm had turned to sleet, and his three-year-old daughter had been unsettled by the sound of the ice pelting her window. He had awakened to find her standing beside his bed, and to calm her, he had carried her to the window and shown her what was making the sound.

He walked to his meditation alcove and knelt. He felt as if he were still wrapped in the embrace of the memories Sarek had shared with him. It was illogical, for one could not actually be wrapped in an emotion, but he did not care. At this point in his life, he would allow himself to savor anything that felt good. And this felt good.

He thought again about quantum signatures. This universe and his had split only recently, just an instant in the long reach of time, but he had no doubt that their quantum signatures would be different. It might be only a minute difference, but they would still be different.

He closed his eyes. There. The ninth mental exercise. He restarted the exercises from the beginning.

End chapter 3


	4. Chapter 4

Beyond the Sand, chapter four

Spock sat at his computer and ran his computations for a third time. He knew that his mental capacities were diminished, but he still thought that he could do this. He had been successful years ago, when they had gone back in time to find the whales, and although many variables were different now, he was certain that he could identify those variables and make the appropriate substitutions. Or… Perhaps he should say that he was certain enough. Regardless, one thing he did not doubt was that time would only add to the risk. If he were to do this, he must do it now. At any rate, what did he have to lose? Very little, and much to gain.

When a signal sounded at his door, he knew that it would be Sarek. He rose from his desk, but he was so eager to talk to the other man that he called out, "Enter" before he had made it to the door.

The door slid open, and as he had expected, Sarek walked into the apartment.

Obviously detecting Spock's excitement, Sarek asked without preamble, "Spock, has something changed? You have more energy now that I have witnessed in you for quite some time."

"I have been considering taking action," said Spock. "Drastic action."

"What is it?"

Spock motioned Sarek into the main living area and indicated that he should take a seat, then sat down across from him.

"My time is limited," said Spock. "Every day is more difficult than the last. Soon, I will no longer be able to live independently."

Sarek settled himself more comfortably on the sofa, clearly taking a moment to compose his thoughts. "I have avoided this discussion," he said, "but now that you have brought it up, I will tell you that I want you to come live with me. It is only logical. We are compatible, and it would please me to help you."

"It is most kind of you to make such an offer, but I anticipate that you will remarry. It would be unfair to expect your new bondmate to help care for me."

Sarek shook his head, "That is not a factor. To be blunt, I do not want to be with another woman again. Amanda is still a part of me. No one can ever replace her."

"I understand. That is exactly how I felt after Nyota died." He leaned closer to Sarek. "It is fortunate that eventually I realized that accepting a new woman into my heart did not mean I was pushing Nyota out of it. I always knew that a human's capacity for love was limitless. It took me longer to understand that a Vulcan's could be, too."

Sarek was silent for a long time. "You remarried?" he finally said.

"Yes. My wife's name was… is T'Val. Nyota has been on my mind recently because she is here, but the person with whom I belong now is T'Val."

"Am I correct in assuming that she is Vulcan? I am not aware of anyone with that name."

"She is much younger than I, so she would not have been born yet, but her parents did not escape Vulcan. She will not exist in this universe."

Sarek nodded solemnly. "That is unfortunate."

"We have two children, a grown son and a very young daughter. Nyota and I also raised a girl who was not related to us by blood but was no less our child, and her descendants are my descendants. They are all there, in the other universe. I find that the only thing I want before I die is to see them again. Nothing else matters to me anymore."

"What about your work here? Have you not found it rewarding?"

"Yes, very much so. I was responsible for the destruction of our old society, and while I knew that I could never make up for that, I also knew that I could help build a new one. I have done that. There is still much work remaining, but I leave it in capable hands."

"You have given this much thought. But how can you return? I am aware of no technology that allows one to move between universes."

"Long ago, I had reason to calculate equations for time travel, deliberate time travel unlike the accident that brought me here. I will not divulge why or how I did it. Suffice it to say that the calculations were good, and we accomplished what we needed to accomplish. I remember those calculations, and I have adapted them for my current situation."

"Very well. We will assume for the sake of argument that you can travel forward to the appropriate time. This still does not explain how you will move to your universe."

"Not forward in time. I will go back in time."

Sarek frowned. "Please explain."

"Each universe has its own quantum signature. I speak from experience when I say that Mother Nature always tries to right herself. If a being's quantum signature does not match the universe in which he resides, given the opportunity, he will be routed to the correct universe."

"Forgive me, but I still do not understand."

"I will go back in time, and when I come forward again, I should follow the correct time stream. My quantum signature will prevent me from crossing over to the incorrect one."

"Your vessel will have the quantum signature of this universe, will it not?"

"I will use a ship that was built before the split in the time stream."

"I see." Sarek's expression grew distant. "Theoretically, I believe that it could work."

"I have one problem, however. I do not want anyone else to attempt this. Despite my confidence that I am making the right move, it will be risky. It would be disastrous if word got out. Has not everyone lost someone? Almost certainly, some people would choose to follow me. I cannot allow that to happen."

"I do not foresee this as a problem. I will simply tell people that you died."

"That might very well work. You can tell them that I died more quickly than anticipated and you were unable to retrieve my katra, to explain why my katra is gone."

"I shall do that."

"I will leave final instructions, and you can carry them out with the appropriate amount of grieving. Will you help me procure a ship?"

"Yes. I will falsify the records so that no one notices it is gone."

"A lie?" asked Spock.

The corner of Sarek's mouth turned up in something closer to a smile than Spock had ever witnessed on his father's face.

"A kindness," Sarek replied.

...

Spock sat in a flitter across the street from the house that he and T'Val had shared throughout their marriage. It was nighttime and he knew that he could not be seen despite the faint glow of the streetlights. Just the sight of the house caused a constriction in his throat, for he had thought that he would never see it again. It was an old house, one that she had bought before he met her and filled with an odd combination of practical Vulcan items and whimsical Earth antiques. It had a charm that was all hers, and he had been pleased when she finally programmed the door to recognize him, all those years ago. She had fled Vulcan because of an abusive husband, and it had taken every bit of persuasion he could muster to convince her to marry him.

His idea to go back in time and come forward again had been sound, but his calculations had not. He had overshot his target by almost four years. Per the records he been able to access, his son was now married and had a child of his own, and his daughter had taken up dance, with great promise. He had come across more than one article about small competitions which mentioned her name. Saavik was still living in her home on the beach, alone, and she had another great-great-grandchild. He, himself, had been declared dead.

And T'Val… He found no indication that she had remarried, or that she even had someone new in her life. He had been sitting out here for over an hour, and he knew that she was home because he had seen glimpses of her and their daughter, two silhouettes behind drawn curtains who were going about their everyday routines, unaware that their lives were soon to be turned upside-down.

He finally exited the flitter, squared his shoulders, and approached the house. His heart hammering in his chest, he went up the front steps, crossed the porch, and stopped just shy of the front door sensor. Would the door still open for him? He took a deep breath and moved forward. The door slid open, and he stepped into the house.

"T'Val," he said, but his voice caught. He cleared his throat and tried again. "T'Val," he called out. "T'Val. I am back."

From the kitchen, he heard, "Spock? Spock? Spock!" and the clatter of a pan hitting the floor, then frantic footsteps. She flew into the den and threw herself into his arms, and he pulled her close and buried his face against her neck. He had done it.

He was home.

End "Beyond the Sand"


End file.
